She Says vs. He Says: Do Girls Really Like Dating Jerks?

By Christine Hassler and Jason Ryan Dorsey
Special to Yahoo! Personals

SHE SAYS: No, but we think we do. As someone who dated a jerk, whom I now refer to as my "learning experience," I admit to falling under the jerk spell.

Here's how the jerk spell works: we meet the jerk and in some twisted way are seduced by his confidence, charm, and passion. We don't see these as the disguises they are: confidence is really arrogance, charm comes from him being a player, and his passion is being the center of his own universe.

The jerk sniffs out our insecurities and uses them to reel us in with compliments that eventually turn into criticisms.

The jerk sniffs out our insecurities and uses them to reel us in with compliments that eventually turn into criticisms. And if we see a red flag, like the time my "learning experience" told me his definition of a relationship was "light, fun and physical," we play mind games with ourselves. We use our normally rational inner voice to convince ourselves that we can tame him or that with the right kind of girlfriend he will lose his jerk armor and transform into a leading man fit for a romantic comedy. Come on ladies, what are we thinking?!

A jerk loves being a jerk -- way more than he loves us. I guess if they've always gotten away with treating people poorly and nobody ever set them straight, why would they change? Besides, a jerk seems to always have an attractive woman on his arm laughing at his mediocre jokes and ignoring his wandering gaze. How? I think it's because deep down every woman wants a challenge or a little danger. It's not really the jerk we like; it's the thrill of the chase, the rush of adrenaline when the jerk's phone number pops up on our cell (which is usually right after last call).

However, it's been my experience that "jerkdom" isn't some phase we can pull a guy out of. Guys only outgrow that phase when life no longer succumbs to their demands. Any woman who has dated a jerk for more than a week knows that it's a hollow relationship that ultimately leaves you disappointed, hurt, and commiserating with your friends.

The only challenge worth overcoming when dating a jerk is to not let him affect or define your self worth. So if there is a jerk out there making your heart go pitter-pat and estrogen is messing with your reasoning, go ahead and let him woo you, but when he asks for your number tell him that you only date guys who prove their value by respecting a woman. If he's a jerk he'll roll his eyes, say you have an attitude and snicker as he leaves. If he sincerely accepts your ground rules, then chances are you should give him at least one date to prove he's relationship material. Although you may not be spellbound at first, the nice guy without all the smooth answers may ultimately fulfill your needs in more meaningful ways.

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HE SAYS: As much as I hate to say it, girls love jerks! At least until the jerk stops calling, which is usually right after he gets what he wants. Speaking from the guy's perspective, I've never quite understood what draws sane, attractive, bright women to guys who act like jerks. Maybe it is the thrill of the unexpected. Maybe it is trying to outplay him in his own game. Maybe it is hoping that deep down he is a nice guy and you are going to prove it to your naysayer friends. What I do know is that too many women who could easily be in a healthy relationship instead choose the cliffhanger ending of dating a jerk that walks with a swagger, winks at anything that moves, and always has a one-liner at the ready.

“Truth be told, there aren't many nice guys who haven't considered acting like a jerk, especially when they steal your girl”

Truth be told, there aren't many nice guys who haven't considered acting like a jerk, especially when they steal your girl (here I speak from experience). However, daydreaming of jerkdom fades as soon as nice guys remember one thing: being a jerk means acting like a jerk all the time. That means causing the mental pain and emotional anguish that drives a girl to phone her friends -- guy friends included -- crying about what the jerk did to her in public on their first date. Even guys bear the brunt of girls who fall head over heels for jerks.

If you're a girl who feels worse about yourself with every jerk you date, I hope you will make a big move towards respecting yourself and go on a date with a nice guy. They may not offer the drama and constant criticism you've come to expect, but they also won't try to hook up with you after dropping off their other girlfriend. And if you are having trouble distinguishing between a jerk and a nice guy, here are three ways to tell:

1. He's probably a jerk if he tells you to skip desert because your butt already jiggles enough.
2. He's definitely a jerk if he "guilts" you into doing things that make you feel bad about yourself -- usually starting with the line "If you really cared about me..."
3. He's absolutely a jerk if he takes you on a date and leaves you the bill, while he leaves with the waitress.

10 years old and counting!

my email account jayt_orig@yahoo.com is now 10 years old! Yahoo! on the other hand, started Yahoo! Mail on October 8, 1997. weeee..... i should have 20mb attachments or more! hehe

congrats to all the new nurses...

here's a shout-out to all the new nurses! especially to jt's bro, nikos.. and to my elem schoolmates, jericho and ephraim.. congrats guys! inuman na.. hehe 

Mga kasagutan..

ABSOLUTELY NO LYING QUIZ
1. last cigarette:
** 2005
- 2005
2. last beverage:
** pepsi ( i love pepsi!)
- coke. i love pepsi more.. lol
3. last phone call:
** baby
- baby
4. last text message:
** from baby din
- from Globe, those stupid freebie messages
5. last cd played:
** song na lng, clumsy by fergie
- mixed cd. won't go home without you by maroon 5 (pina-download ni baby e, hehe)
6. last bubble bath:
** don't remember
- when i was a child. i could still fit in the huge pails e.
7. last time you cried:
** yesterday around 2am. (watching ps i love you)
- forgot.
8. last meal:
** moments ago
- 3 hours ago. eggs and dried fish

SEVEN have you's:
1. have you ever dated someone twice?
** oo naman.
- of course.
2. have you ever kissed someone and regretted it?
** haha oo.
- yup
3. have you ever fallen in love?
** syempre naman
- o oi!
4. have you ever lost someone?
** haven't u?
- you wouldn't be in this world and never lose someone
5. have you ever slept until 2pm?
** kahapon actually
- yup. nkakagutom.
6. have you ever been drunk and threw up?
** not yet..
- yes. doesn't feel good at all but relieves you afterwards. =)
7. have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
** yah..
- yup!

SIX things you did in the past three days:
(Junie)
1. watched a movie
2. and cried over the movie
3. worked hard.. haha
4. went home early.. as in early morning.. haha 730AM
5. rode the first train of the day
6. fixed and cleaned up my room
(JT)
1. read Harry Potter 6 & 7 ebook in 2 days
2. watched and rolled on the floor while laughing at Rush Hour 3
3. worked. not that hard though. hehe
4. slept only by 5am and missing baby..
5. reformatted, arranged, and indexed all the cluttered files regarding resorts
6. diluted my bloodstream with antibiotics. (die bacteria! die!)

List THREE fave colors:
(Junie)
1. green
2. white
3. brown
(JT)
1. green
2. blue
3. red

List FOUR things you want to do before you die:
(Junie)
1. roam the world
2. get married
3. then multiply.. haha
4. meet roger federer and kimi raikkonen haha ambisyosa..

(JT)
1. travel the world!
2. get married and have a family with baby
3. establish european-style buildings in my hometown
4. meet miranda kerr and jessica alba (my celebrity crush since elem.. haha)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT
1. your last kiss?
** sweet yet painful
- bitin!!!!!! and yes, it was painful
2. Gay marriage?
** whatever makes people happy
- ok as long as they just don't check me out. lol
3. Lowering the drinking age?
** better legalize it than having more violators haha
- lower it to 15 but increase smoking age to 21 to level it out.
4. Straight, Gay or Bi?
** straight
- straight
5. Who are the best huggers that you know?
** baby baby baby
- baby juniecelle
6. Do you believe in love at first sight?
**hmm.. like at first sight?
- attraction at first sight siguro
7. Is there something you want to tell someone?
** dami
- yup
8. What brand of shirt are you wearing?
** Topshop
- Bossini
9. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends?
** whaaat?
- eeew.. haha
10. What is your current annoyance?
** gumising ng super aga..
- late night sleeping
11. How many kids do you want to have?
** 2 or 3
- 3! or 2 nalang para di mahago si baby.
12. Do you want to change your name?
** no
- no way.
13. Last time you saw your father?
** 10 months ago.
- he's right here.
14. What did you do for your last birthday?
** ngpaparty haha
- thanksgiving
15. What time did you wake up today?
** 6am
- 7.25am
16. What were you doing at midnight last night?
** trying to sleep
- reading an ebook
17. Name something you CANNOT wait to do
** travel everywhere
- travel the world!
18. What is your favorite thing in your room?
** my new cam and my new sheets.. sarap matulog
- my laptop and tv
19. Where is your best friend right now?
** nasa pinas
- no one in particular, but considering all things, mine's in singapore. =)

p.s. all replies right after the questions are by Juniecelle. all replies below that are by JT.

*cough cough*

i've been sniffing, coughing and spitting that green goo for 3 days straight now. clearly, it can be deduced that generic antibiotics don't work THAT fast compared to branded ones (they're cheap! that's why).

anyway, even though my nose is red like Rudolph's on a wet rainy day, i'm so happy my baby's already confirmed sa position niya! yehey! =) congrats b. i'm so proud of you. buti ka pa. ako, wala pa tawn. huhu i'm pretty sure that raise would make her smile all the way back home tonight. she would probably even talk the whole night on the phone without so much as letting me cough.. haha

P.S. i added the Google AdSense widget. it's supposed to let this blog gain money. well, yeah, it does let you earn money as long as this blog gets 600+ views/day! waaaht? it gives you $1 a day for 3 months. my.. my.. that's a lot of page views. that's probably $0.20/click or less. hehe sa susunod nalang kung may website na talaga kami.. =)

An incredibly looooooooong night..

What started out as a trip to Sengkang to borrow chairs for a party turned out to be an overnight gimik around Singapore.. Sa katamaran, 430 nako umalis ng house para imeet si Ate Kelly.. Eh dahil sobrang magkalayo kami, 45 minutes by train na byahe... 530 na kami ngkita.. Umikot ikot pa kami sa Tampines retail park before heading to Sengkang.. kaya around 730pm na ata kami nakarating. A trip to sengkang is never complete pag hindi namin nabibisita sila ate maya kasi i think i never got over the fact na magkahiwalay na kami ng house.. huhu kakamiss si sunshine eh.. hehe.. syempre libre dinner na kasi super gracious hosts yan sila mommy maya and daddy rey.. hehe.. Thanks mommy! mwah.. Eh pano kami makaka-alis eh MMK ni KC? Habang ako ay busy kakalaro and kakapicture with shine, c ate kelly naman ay busy crying over the episode.. hehe.. mga iyakin yan cla ni mommy maya haha.. di ako masyado na-apektuhan kasi kulet c shine eh.. namimiss din ata ako, hahah.. so anyways, pati E live eh naabutan na namin.. saka pa lang kami ngpasyang umalis para kunin ang chairs.. at naging bionic women kami or a while ni ate dahil kinailangan namin dalhin ang chairs sa bahay nila ate kelly.. buti nalang mabait si uncle (kung sa pinas pa eh, si MANONG driver).. We rested for a while then bumyahe na kami papuntang Orchard.. We went to Cathay cineplex to get tickets.. (We got the 1:25AM showing of PS I Love You). Gusto namin umiyak eh.. haha.. So since 1030 pa yun, kumain na naman kami! Hay.. pataba lang ng pataba haha.. C ate kelly kasi forgot that we already had dinner.. Pero pagbigyan na natin kasi di sya ngbreakfast at nglunch hehe.. We went to this Japanese fastfood (Quickbite). As we were nearing the stall, sabi ko kay ate kelly pinay cguro yang mga yan (2 women na nakatalikod na kumakain sa Quickbite din).. At kumusta naman, pinay nga po sila,, at hindi lang yun.. c tita liza pala at c ate lizz.. haha.. coincidence tlaga.. so chitchat muna while eating.. emoting over the loss of marc n rovilson sa amazing race asia.. huhu.. then they had to leave na.. kami naman ni ate, tumambay muna sa starbux para maghintay ng movie.. 1130pm na to.. antok na nga kami nito eh.. ginasgas muna namin phone ko sa kakapicture.. d ko nacharge cam ko, huhu.. boredom can really make sum1 go crazy haha.. picture lng kami ng picture habang inu-upload agad sa friendster.. haha thanks to singtel wireless.. finally, the waiting had to end.. umakyat na kami sa sinehan, thankfully hindi kami nilamig ng todo.. at punung=puno ung moviehouse ha, considering it was 1am na.. so dun na! dun na ngsimula ang iyakan! when the movie was finally over, lahat ng girls halos sumisinghot singhot na haha.. at magang maga mata namin ni ate.. so syempre had to take a souvenir para naman makita niyo ung proof na maga nga mata namin haha.. then we had to walk from cathay to bugis (buti nalang sa singapore kami.. hindi delikado maglakad ng alas kwatro ng umaga.. haha.. tumambay muna kami sa mcdo at kumain na naman ng uber early breakfast.. at si ate ay nakatulog na sa mcdo haha.. at around 545am, we walked towards city hall station na.. ang daming ttao.. dahil din sa chingay parade.. so by the time nghiwalay kami ni ate sa mrt station, we go opposite ways kasi.. 625am na.. was hoping to get some sleep sa train eh kumusta naman? puno ang first trip! pakshet tlaga... so i had to stand all the way to boon lay station (30minute trip un ha).. my knees sumtimes gave in.. at ang bigat pa ng bag ko.. hay buhay.. malas tlaga.. so un na.. natapos na ang araw namin ni ate kelly.. maga ang mata, puyat pero masaya naman.. diba ate? mwah.. till next time. haha

Valentine's Day!

happy valentine's day to everybody!
* click on link to zoom on our message. =)

if tinatamad kayo, here's our message:

"Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear,
too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice,
but for those who love, time is eternity."

On Scope: Valentine's Day

1. Do you like Valentine's Day?
-> uh, perhaps. only if i get to spend it with my baby! and it's a lame excuse to be sweet on that day. why not express it everyday with your loved one? =)
** yah, every excuse na mgpapamper hehe

2. Are you going to celebrate it?
-> duh. i spend it everyday with b..
** sa phone lang huhu

3. Celebrate Valentine's day with friends or someone special?
-> syempre someone special.
** both

4. Pink or red?
-> red. coz it's hot. haha or wait! pink! coz it has this innocent yet hot feel to it. hihi
** i like both pero pwede green nalang? haha para maiba lang

5. Candy hearts or cards?
-> i'd rather give chocolates.. but i prefer cards over candy.

** hay, pangit ang choices.. haha cards over candy syempre but flowers would be best hehe

6. A short kiss or a big hug?
-> a big hug! that way, the kiss that comes after would be a long one. =p

** i'm a hugger.. hehe

7. What are your plans for v-day?
-> sneak around in the house and talk with baby.. hahaha

** watch the amazing race asia 2 finale (which our kababayans lost btw.. hmp), mglaba ng damit (sked ko kasi ngayon) at manood ng am idol.. pinay power.. and talk to baby syempre.

8. Are you single, crushing or taken?
-> (what's crushing? are you being hurt? who made that crap word?) btw, of course i'm taken. =)

** totally taken..

9. Heart broken this Valentine's day?
-> no. just missing my baby... so far.

** legs achin' from work, heart's ok though..

10. Breaking any hearts this Valentine's Day?
-> nope.

** hmm.. dnt know lah! haha

11. Would you get back with one of your EXs on V-day?
-> for single people: and what? only on V-day? for me: no way. i already did. hehe and not on V-day!
** not that desperate hehe i'm cool

12. Cupid is ________
-> a small child who gets to decide who falls in love with who.

** an excuse..

13. Do you want someone you can't have?
-> nope. i already have her. unfortunately, we're far!!! huhu

** yah, kimi raikkonen hahha.. kiddin'! i have jt na

14. How many people want to be your Valentine?
-> define "being a Valentine". would that mean a guy or girl coz if being a Valentine would mean a guy, then NO! of course not. that would be gay. haha and besides, i would want to be someone's Valentine. =) if being a Valentine has no regard for gender, then i know one lady who wants to be my Valentine. hehehe

** hmm.. baby's answer is kinda weird..

15. How do you want them to ask you to be their Valentine?
-> i prefer asking to be her Valentine. i want to melt her heart. =p

** no need to ask..

16. Who do you want to be your Valentine?
-> my baby Juniecelle

** jt's already my valentine

17. Are you going to ask them?
-> what "them"? are you crazy? haha i would love to ask her and spend the day with her but we're far from each other. huhu if we were just near, then Valentine's day wouldn't matter coz we'd be spending everyday like Valentine's!

** huh?

18. Are they going to ask you?
-> there you go again with multiple people(they). anyway, she won't ask me. junie and i know we're each other's Valentine. di ba b?

** hay labo!

19. Do you have a Valentine already?
-> this darn survey is repetitive. yes.

** it is repetitive!

20. Who?
-> si baby junie gani! and we're spending it far apart. hehe

** ask again! (silence, i'll kill you! - borrowed from achmed and jeff dunham)

21. What gifts do you want for V-day?
-> kuan... uh, hahaha wala lang. hehe Globe1 P1,000 nalang. if pwede pa, roundtrip tickets to SG. tsup

** gifts so meaning madami haha.. di ako matatapos nito.. pit grandstand tickets to the sg grandprix this sept 28 haha.. next, lots of flowers.. lots lots.. a tripod for my new cam.. and nice boots for my trip this march.. and the list goes on..

-> by JT lim

** by juniecelle tapales (JT also haha)

Nahiya naman ako.. haha

eto na talaga, ngpost na tlaga ako.. nahiya naman kasi ako kay maya (halos ka-age lang kc kami kaya wala ng ate ate! haha) lagi kasing bumibisita sa site namin tapos wala naman nakalagay hahaha.. na-pressure c junie.. at mejo lango kasi ako ngayon, dami ko na-inhale na klase klaseng chemical sa lab.. high pa nga ako ngayon eh.. konti pa lang dn kc tao kaya wala akong ka-share lumanghap ng hangin sa lab, hirap pala pag chinese new year.. ako lang (pinoy), c kharthik at krishnan (parehong pana.. see glossary hahaha) at c fajar (yalam.. see glossary ulet) lang ang nasa lab.. kami lang kasi ang hindi singkit kaya kami lang maiiwan lagi pag okasyon ng mga intsik.. kami lang dn tuloy gagawa ng work nila.. hay hirap.. pag deepavali, pana ang priority, pag ramadan, mga muslim ang priority.. eh ang pinoy kelan? wala.. hay.. palibhasa 2 lang kaming pinoy sa work.. hay.. anyways, kung sino man ang nagbabasa nito ngayon, bisitahin niyo rin ang blog ni maya, may link naman ata yun dito sa blog namin.. tingnan niyo din ha.. ayt, next time ulet, nawala na pagka-high ko.. balik na sa antisocial mode.. (for maya and kelly haha) nyt nyt everybody.. mwaah

Glossary (Para sa mga wala sa Singapore)

PANA (alias) tawag ng mga pinoy na taga Sg sa mga taong kabilang sa isang lahi na madami dito sa singapore at sa pilipinas din (mejo malapit sila sa bawang at luya, haha)

(noun) lahi ng isang grupo ng mga tao dito sa Sg na madalas matatagpuan sa Mustafa

ORIGIN: ______ PANA, kakana-kana (gets niyo na ba kung anong lahi ang tinutukoy dito sa patlang?)

USE in a SENTENCE: Punta ka nga dun sa pana, papalitan mo ung dolyar mo dun para magamit na sa SM.. toink!

YALAM (alias) tawag ng mga noypi sa Sg sa mga taong kabilang sa lahi na pinagmulan nating mga pilipino (alalahanin ang history haha)

(noun) lahi ng isang malaking grupo ng tao dito din sa Sg na madami sa Geylang

ORIGIN: baliktarin lang ang sagot sa lahing pinagmulan nating mga pilipino.

USE in a SENTENCE: Bawal baboy dito. Yalam bisita natin! (2 sentences pa yan! haha)

Compelled to post?

I'm supposed to post a survey here but I'm still looking for one. Somebody (you know who you are! *grin*) forgot to tell me where she, err, placed the survey she found. Anyway, I''ve spruced up the site a bit to make it a bit more "active" even though obviously wala pa ring effect kasi sa totoo tinatamad mg-post ang mga may-ari kahit nkaka-online everyday. hahaha

Will somebody please visit our site?! That way, we'll be encouraged to post more often, donchatink? =) On a side note, Valentine's day is coming up! This is the 2nd Valentine's Day that I won't be spending with my baby (huhuhuhu). Hopefully, next year would be different, di ba b? And besides, Valentine's is just a petty excuse for those who don't give, show and express their love to their special someone everyday. =p